A Birth Control Rant

Since most of my followers on this blog are female, maybe you’ll be able to relate somewhat to my little story I’m about to tell. Please chime in as well with a reblog or a private message if something like this has happened to you before when trying to get birth control.

/rant begins

So like any good woman who has talked herself up into getting a physical exam for um.. that thing between our legs.. I finally got one (after skipping like a year or two - i know i know, I’m a terrible person) on January 16, 2017. 

Went into a new OBGYN that was closer (which I found on ZocDoc). Filled out all the paperwork, had my id/insurance card waiting, etc etc. The whole deal when you’re dealing with a new patient. Waited maybe 10/15 minutes after I had turned into my paperwork to get finally called back and placed into a room. Blood pressure was fine, weight was fine, pulse was fine, etc. I’m just a perfect little blob of a healthy person.

I tell them I’m allergic to penicillin. They ask me what the reaction is. I say “death” because that’s all I’ve ever really been told is what will happen to me if I’m given penicillin. The lady looks at me weirdly a bit, and then I go on to tell her I have aspergers.  She nods, as usual, and then we talk about any physical abuse and I go all into that and finally I ask a simple question about fertility and she gets irritated. “This is your annual exam. If you have questions about fertility you’ll need to make a fertility appointment.” She kind shrugs her nose at me and then leaves. I never see this nurse/woman person again. (I see four people throughout this visit).

Another lady, followed by whom I assume was the doctor (definitely look like her picture) comes in. They talk about the physical exam, and bring up if I had any questions about fertility that definitely was a different visit, and all of this other stuff. My question about fertility was when does the whole 10 - 14 days thing start. DO you start counting the first day of your period or the last day of your period. The lady laughed at me and then of course gave me the answer. 

The exam ended. I was told I’d have test results back in a week, blah blah blah. I got dressed, paid the nice reception lady, and went about my day. A few days later I get a call from an unknown number and like any millennial I ignored it and if it was important they’d leave a voicemail. It was this OBGYN office telling me my results were clear and to have a good day.

Sweet.

Jump to February 20, 2017. It’s been 1 month and 4 days since my annual. 

I get back on ZocDoc because I’m now wanting to get birth control for my period cramps and whatnot and have a better flowing river of blood come out of me and so I find this random ass NP (Nurse Practitioners are allowed to prescribe medication in Texas under  a doctor’s supervision). I chose this location and dude for two reasons: He had an appointment at 11:15am and I got off work at 11am, and reason #2 was he was going to be $25 copay instead of the $50 copay I had at the OBGYN. So he was cheap and had the earliest time slot. 

I thought “okay let’s go get some birth control”. Get to this location (it’s inside a fucking hospital - greatttttt). Find the fucking office, walk inside (I’m the only one in this waiting room), I fill out my name on a little scribble piece of paper they had (every one I could see behind the class has on a phone headset and was talking nonstop/the phones were constantly ringing) and I took a seat closest to the window.

Finally after about 5 minutes someone realised I was in the waiting room, came over and took my scribble sheet name paper thing, and went back in to find my file. I was a new patient which pissed off the lady that took my paper to begin with. I walked to the window, id and insurance already in hand, and waited for her to print out the paperwork. She asked for the ID/insurance, handed it to her, she was upset that I already had it available, and gave me the clipboard to go fill out all my information. 

Jump 20 minutes into this. I filled out my information after 5 minutes, handed back to her, and took a seat. By this point there are 7 people besides me in this waiting room. I am the youngest by 40-50 years. The people around me look like death. I’m getting antsy. I don’t want to be here anymore. This is taking to long, what the fuck happened with my paperwork. So the door leading to the back finally opens up and I’m thinking “fuck yeah it’s my turn”. WRONG. Four out of the seven people that came in after me were called to the back.
Another 20 minutes later the three people who came after me were already in and out and a bunch of new, old people were in the waiting room. I hear my name being mentioned through the class from one of the reception ladies “Has Ms. Collier been seen yet? Has she been seen by Bob?” She turns her head out into the waiting room and I just smile and wave. She calls me to the front. “Has *insert generic name here* given your ID/Insurance card back?” I smile. “No she hasn’t.” Look of panic hits this woman’s face. “I’ll go find it for you ASAP” she says as she’s already moving away from the window. I take a seat.

After another 20 minutes, my id/insurance restored to me, I’m finally called to the back. They take my temp, blood pressure, weight, etc. Tell me I look healthy, blah blah blah. The nurse leaves and finally the man of the hour finally appears; Bob.

Now doctors have two types of handshakes; 1. The one that’s straight forward out (most common and accepted) and 2. The leaning in kind hung handshake. Mr. Bob decided he was going to pull a #2 - one that was not easily greeted and instead flinched away from. I don’t do hugs. I don’t like them. I just don’t. Most people with autism, especially aspergers, don’t like physical contact - and for me hugs is a BIG ASS NO-NO. This immediately made him uncomfortable.

So he sits down and asks me why I’m in here today. I respond I’m here for birth control. He nods, and asks when my last pap smear was. I tell him January 16th of this year. He responded saying that was very specific. I said if someone put their find up your vagina you’d remember it to. Bob turns red. 

At this point I’m ready just to leave. I’ve spent way to much time here in an uncomfortable environment. I am alone without any comfort items/people available. I am extremely uncomfortable, and when I get extremely uncomfortable I’m usually unable to keep up a very good social front. It’s like a switch almost. I shut down and whatever comes out of my mouth happens and there is no filter. NO. FILTER.

He asks me why I chose this location. I gave him my honest answer. You were cheap and had a time slot available for me after work. He nodded his head. Asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with anything. I said “Aspergers” . He chuckled. Said “I guess it’s mildly moderate”. I grinned back ready to deck this fucker in the face. He then goes on to ask about my family’s medical history and I do the best I can.  

Finally he comes and checks out my eyes, ears, and heart. Tells me I’m healthy (no shit..). He then says he wants to have my pap smear result on file and that I should call back up in a week or two to have them fill my prescription. Alright y’all - I’m fucking dumbfounded right now.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE MEAN IN A WEEK OR TWO I CAN GET A SIMPLE BIRTH CONTROL PRESCRIPTION SENT IN FOR ME?

At this point I’m at a lost of words, and this fucker, Bob, decides to just throw another curveball. “When was the last time you got a tetanus shot?”  I blink. “What?” He responds, “a tetanus shot?” I ask “When was the last time you can get that as a kid?” Bob said, “11 to 13″ and I said “that’s probably when my last one was.” He nodded and said that he’ll have a nurse come in in a minute, and then I can meet the doctor

.
I’m thinking to myself “Why the fuck do I need to meet a doctor?” The thought of the nurse apparently just went over my head. I sit in this empty room for 5 minutes debating with myself if I should just get up and leave or if I should wait it out. 

The door opens (without a knock).

A nurse comes in with a shot. “Hi Anna my name is *insert generic name* I’m here to give you a tetanus shot.” My eyes go a little wide. I responded out loud instead of inside my head like I thought, “for fucks sake”. She gets a little worried and then asks if anything was wrong. I said no as I take off my sweat shirt. She giggles and goes “this might sting” and I just grinned as she stuck me with a needle. It was about 4 seconds long and I didn’t feel a damn thing. She said “The doctor should be in in a few minutes” and leaves.

Five minutes pass.

Doctor finally comes in. Tries the handshake. At this point I’m not shaking anyone’s hands. Bobs whispers “She has Aspergers” to the doctor who then retracts his hands. He takes my chart from Bob and goes “you’re healthy for your age” and I’m just grinning. At this point he asks me if I have any questions. I should have asked why was it going to take two fucking weeks to get birth control, but I just wanted to get the fuck out and said “nope”. He tells me it was nice to meet me and leaves. 

*at some point throughout this visit both, Bob & Doctor whoever, ask me if I work out Sprouts because I’m wearing my Sprouts jacket which just pisses me off more*

Doctor leaves. I leave with Bob as he escorts me to the front reception area to pay. He goes “so just call back up in a week or two to make sure they moved your paperwork and you’re all set” and then he walks away. I have my debit card out ready to pay and escape this fucking hell hole. The lady goes “I’m not sure how much this visit will cost with your insurance”. My copay is SAID on the fucking card. I said “it’s going to be $25″ and hand her my card. She said she needed to make sure, and finally when in fact it was just $25 she took my card, and I paid. 

I’ve never run out of a place faster in my life.

Fast forward the next day. I decided I’m not waiting 2 fucking weeks for birth control. I call the doctor’s office I was at yesterday and said have they made any progress. This is when I’m told I’m suppose to call my own OBGYN and have them fax over my results. WHAT THE FUCK. What was the point in taking down my OBGYN’s information if I was going to be the one to fucking do all this goddamn work? 

So at work I call the OBGYN. I call back the doctor. All this fun stuff. I give up. I leave work and call back my OBGYN to see if they had faxed my information yet. I called at 12:13pm. My OBGYN is open Monday to Thursday 8am - 5pm with lunch between the hours of 12 and 2; Friday from 8am - 12pm. 

At this point I just leave a ranting voicemail asking them if they can just prescribe me birth control so I don’t have to deal with this fucking doctors office that would be fantastic. That’s basically what the message was, just a bit more colorful. The lady calls me back around 4pm and says “Yeah we can do that for you. What BC did you need?” I was in awe. So easy. So simple. So not worth the pain I went through the day before for birth control. So I tell the lady what I need and she said “we’ll send that right in for Kroger”.

It’s Wednesday.

I get a call from the doctor’s office. “Ms. Collier we’ve sent in your birth control prescription to the Kroger and it should be available some time today if it’s in stock”. 

Later in the day I get two calls from Kroger pharmacy. One of them was telling me that one of my birth control prescriptions needs to be ordered. The other call was telling me that my prescription was ready to be picked up. 

I walk in after work. It’s not very busy. I go up the counter, give the lady my information, and she pulls up my information. She gets confused as to why I have two birth control prescriptions and calls over the man in charge, the Pharmacist. Apparently my insurance is shitty and they had to call it and actually get my ID number otherwise it shows that I was “terminated”. 

30 minutes pass by, and finally I’m able to get the birth control. The doctor made it possible for me to get this birth control for a full year. I get home, pull it out and look at the name, “Tri-Lo-Sprintec”. I’m thinking that sounds like a shitty name for a pill, I wonder if it’s a low-dose or a high-dose birth control. I told Bob I wasn’t allowed high dose because I body couldn’t handle it. 

This fucker not only put me on a high dose birth control pill - IT HAS THE SHITTEST REVIEWS EVER AND SUCKS DONKEY DICK. 

I call back on Thursday and tell Kroger that my OBGYN (totally lying to them at this point) said go ahead and fill her prescription because it was a low dose pill (thanks Google for helping me pick it out) and that it’d be better for me. 

I get a call on Friday that my prescription is ready. I go in, see the same chick you helped me before, get the birth control and leave. Get home to see what I’ve gotten this time out of my goodie bag of birth control and see that was I had ordered “Levora” was in fact substituted for “Portia-28″. At this point I don’t fucking care. I googled and saw it was 6.3/10 star rating instead of a 1 star rating and that made me happy.

Now all we have to do it wait for my period to start, finish, and then begin this horrible horrible journey.

TLDR;
I got a tetanus shot when I wanted to get birth control. 

Date to the Dallas Zoo

Valentine's Day came and went for us. We were both working, and eventually saw each other at night for a special romantic Pizza Hut dinner (ha) and a movie we rented that I fell asleep through about 20 minutes in (I'm like 1.5 days into being sick at this point).

We wake up on the 15th (still sick with some kind of cold that's being a complete ass) and we take our time to actually get out of bed. It's a lazy morning for us, but when we eventually got up we were dressed and fed in under thirty minutes.

We had discussed going to the Dallas Zoo for our makeup "Valentine's Day" date on the 15th a week before, and agreed it would be something different and fun to do. Robert had never been, and I hadn't been in maybe two or three years.

Let me just start off by saying that the Dallas Zoo is a lot more active, family-friendly, and overall a lot more fun than the Fort Worth Zoo. There really is no comparison anymore, and I know we'll be going to the Dallas Zoo a lot more in our future.

The Dallas Zoo has two set ticket seasons, and luckily we are in the season where the tickets are cheap (at $7 which is $7 less than the Fort Worth Zoo). Dallas Zoo parking is also $8 which is $3 bucks more than the Fort Worth Zoo, but at the time we got there (about an hour after they had opened) not many people were there. We got to park right up at the front gate.

Now this trip for us was going to be different because Robert's dad, Robert (yes yes, both named Robert), told my Robert to bring a camera for me this time. For whatever reason I might have the gift of a god photography running in my veins. So I got suited up with a Canon 70D!

 The first animals we came across were the Lemurs and they were all out and about sunbathing, and it made a great way to test out the camera and get it focused/shoot ready/understandable. After the Lemurs we somehow managed to find the kids section (ha, who would've thought with me in charge) and we went into a bird cage area thingy where you could feed the parrots. We'll we didn't feed them, but we did get some fantastic shots with our cameras and our camera phones. 

Robert apparently has a thing for birds. Here are only a few examples of what I've talking about...

I'm telling y'all he loves birds.

He asked me later at night what type of parrot (the green one) we held at the Zoo today was called. Then we went onto Google to look at the lifespan of said parrots. I swear to god if I come home to a parrot one day I'm going to get a cat, and that cat will be a bird parrot hunter.

After we moved on from the birds we saw a 20 pound bunny, two baby cows, a large koi fish pond, some goats, a sheep, and some duckies. Why are the kids sections always better?

(This is me trying to be a real photographer in the kids section.. looking at ducks)

MOVING ON...

We eventually got out of the kids section, and found the otters, birds of prey, large mammals, an ant eater, and you guessed it - MORE PARROTS!

^ naked mole rats^

After I convinced Robert to stop taking more pictures (he took like 800 photos on this date) we headed over to the other side of the zoo called Wilds of Africa. Wilds of Africa host the penguins, lions, cheetahs, elephants, giraffes, zebras, fucking evil birds ostriches, gorillas, chimpanzees, etc. 

I think we came out on a good day because most animals were out AND actually active. They weren't really pacing back and forth like you see at the Fort Worth Zoo. Now I will say the momma elephant and baby weren't out on display but that didn't really dampen our spirits. To be honest I didn't really know they had a new baby elephant so it kinda just worked out on it's own.

I think the thing I looked forward to the most at this zoo was being able to feed the Giraffes and I actually got to feed them this time! *insert high pitch girl squeal* It was fantastic. Robert said I fed the Giraffes to fast since he wasn't able to get any good photos, but they were obviously hungry and I was doing my civil duty of feeding these big babies. 

Robert had a strange connection with the oldest Giraffe that was in the feeding ring they had at the zoo. I mean the Giraffe came up to him after our feeding session and let him touch his nose AND we weren't even at the feeding station anymore. We were on a bridge to go view other animals. Robert is officially the Giraffe whisperer because he spent a good ten minutes with the older Giraffe.

The old man Giraffe was very sweet though, and he was so handsome. 

  

We eventually made it out of the Giants of the Savannah exhibit and made our way over to the monkeys, alligators/crocodiles, meerkats, and of course more birds. We didn't really see very many monkeys or Gorillas, and when we finally found the Gorillas two males were having a space dominance yard fight, and at least gave us a little bit of a show. 

Other than that we finished up the zoo by walking by their new construction project that's going to feature Hippos and we decided that we'd come back for that. It looks like the new exhibit is going to be HUGE and full of a lot of new things to see/do. 

We had a fantastic time (spent 3 hours), and we both agreed that we'd be back in the future to see the animals again. Also I just want to note that most of the animals/exhibits had signs on them stating that these animals were under Veterinary care at that moment so some of them weren't out on exhibit. We can't wait to go back, when the Vet isn't around, and see the animals we weren't able to this time.

Valentine's Day

So today is officially Valentine's Day and I am a bit congested, sick, and losing my voice!

Woo-hoo.

So I found out yesterday that Robert doesn't really celebrate Valentine's day, or well, really any greeting card holiday or birthday. What a butt. If I knew he didn't celebrate I probably wouldn't have bugged and bugged and bugged him about doing something.

SO what OUR are plans on Valentine's Day?!!  Absolutely nothing.

It originally was going to eat some place fancy, when changed to maybe seeing a movie, back to eating out again, then changing six different restaurants, and from the sound of it we're not going to be having pizza.

I originally wanted pizza, but I am no longer in a pizza mood. If that changes before I place the order then we're going to get the heart shape pizza from Pizza Hut, or Robert is going to end up with his own personal pan pizza with grilled chicken and jalapenos (he's making a healthy lifestyle change).

What will I be having from dear ole' Pizza Hut? Boneless chicken wings and two fries. BECAUSE I NEED FATTY FOOD IN MY LIFE. I DON'T WANT TO BE HEALTHY. I JUST WANT THE NUGGETS AND OM NOM NOM FRIES. 

My gift to Robert is something I bought off Etsy and had printed off at the UPS Store. He said he didn't really like gifts (has been saying this since we started dating tbh) but I still like to spoil him a bit. His gift is a little coupon book that he can redeem from me.

He apparently got me something that needed to be delivered. He says I'm going to enjoy it/like it.
He is very certain that I'm going to like it.

I believe I might, indeed, like whatever he has gotten me - because I like anything he gets me.

Oh, did I mention I've dunked over 1200+ strawberries for work and had a 850 individually wrapped cookie order done for Valentine's Day? No? Oh, I forgot to tell you? I'm fucking exhausted a bit tired.

I just want to go to sleep now, but if I do then I'm going to keep Robert up all night. We have Wednesday and Thursday off together this week - and to make up for us both working today on Valentine's Day, tomorrow will be our "real" Valentine's Day (or at least that's what I like to think).

Our plans are Dallas Farmers Market (perhaps), Dallas Zoo, Sake (lunch omg), and maybe getting a pedicure. He said he'd sit while I got one.. still not sure if he was serious or not.

Oh and my employee made some homemade chocolate covered strawberries and truffles for us to eat today [insert drool face emoji {seriously someone needs to make that emoji}]